英语幽默故事一则[短的]

英语幽默故事一则[短的]
英语幽默故事一则[短的]

英语幽默故事一则[短的]
One day a Wolf,who was eating his dinner much too fast,swallowed a bone,which stuck in his throat and pained him very much.He tried to get it out,but could not.
Just then he saw a Crane passing by.“Dear fiend,” said he to the Crane,“ there is a bone sticking in my throat.You have a good long neck; can't you reach down and pull it out?I will pay you well for it.” “I'll try,” said the Crane.Then he put his head into the Wolf’s mouth,between his sharp teeth,and reaching down,pulled out bone.“There!” said the Wolf,“I am glad it is out; I must be more careful another time.” “I will go now,if you will pay me,” said the Crane.
“Pay you,indeed!” cried the Wolf.“Be thankful that I did not bite your head off when it was in my mouth.You ought to be content with that.”

In the Air
Matt and his wife lived in the country. Matt was very stingy(吝啬) and hated spending money. One day a fair(集市) came to the nearby town.
“Let’s go to the fair, Matt,” his wif...

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In the Air
Matt and his wife lived in the country. Matt was very stingy(吝啬) and hated spending money. One day a fair(集市) came to the nearby town.
“Let’s go to the fair, Matt,” his wife said, “We haven’t been anywhere for a long time.”
Matt thought about this for a while. He knew he would have to spend money at the fair. At last he said, “All right, but I’m not going to spend much money. We’ll look at things, but we won’t buy anything.”
they went to the fair and looked at all the things to buy. There were many things Matt’s wife wanted to buy ,but he would not let her spend any money.
then , in a nearby field, they saw a small airplane.
“Fun flight!” the notice said, “$10 for 10 minutes.”
Matt had never been in an airplane and he wanted to go on a fun flight. However, he didn’t want to have to pay for his wife, as well.
“I’ve only got $10,” he told the pilot. ( 飞行员). “Can my wife come with me for free?” The pilot wasn’t selling many tickets, so he said , “I’ll make a bargain with you. If your wife doesn’t scream or shout, she can have a free flight.”
Matt aGREed, and got into the small airplane with his wife.
the pilot took off and made his airplane do all kinds of things. At one moment it was flying upside down.
When the plane landed , the pilot said, “O.K. your wife didn’t make a sound . She can have her ride free.”
“Thank you,” Matt said. “it wasn’t easy for her, you know , especially (尤其 ) when she fell out.”

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1.Piccola
Once there lived in France a little girl name Piccola. When she was very young, her father died, and her mother was very, very poor.
One Christmas Eve Piccola said to her mo...

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1.Piccola
Once there lived in France a little girl name Piccola. When she was very young, her father died, and her mother was very, very poor.
One Christmas Eve Piccola said to her mother, "Mamma, will Uncle Santa come to our house tonight?" Her mother felt very sad and shook her head.
Before she went to bed, Piccola took off her little wooden shoes and put them on the floor near the chimney. She said to her mother, “Perhaps Uncle Santa will come.”
All was white with snow outside, and it was very cold.
In the night a little bird with a broken wing fell down the chimney and hopped into one of the shoes. Very early in the morning Piccola woke up. She jumped out of bed and ran to look into her shoes.
There she saw the little bird in one of the shoes. She picked up the shoe and ran to show her Christmas present to her mother. She said, "Santa Claus did not forget me, Mamma."

2.Pandora's box
Many years ago all the word was very beautiful and nobody was ever sick or unhappy.
At that time there lived a beautiful little girl named Pandora. One day gave her a wonderful box tied with a golden cord and made her promise not to open it. Pandora and her little playmate, Epimetheus, often looked at the box and wondered what was in it.
For a long time Pandora kept her promise to the fairy, but at last she wanted to peep into the box. She untied the cord and lifted the cover only a little.
Out flew hundreds of bad little fairies. They stung Pandora and she fell on the floor and screamed. They stung Epimetheus, too.
Then they flew out of doors and stung all the children in the land. By and by Pandora heard a little voice crying, “Let me out, and I will help you,”
She opened the box, and out flew a beautiful little fairy. She told Pandora that her name was Hope. She kissed her and Epimetheus, and made them well. Then away she flew to help the other children.
To this day, when people are sick or unhappy, the good little fairy, Hope, comes to comfort them.

3.The Crab and His Mother
“My child,” said a Crab to her son, “why do you walk so awkward? If you wish to make a good appearance, you should go straight forward, and not to one side as you do so constantly.”
“I do wish to make a good appearance, Mamma” said the young Crab; “and if you will show me how, I will try to walk straight forward.”
“Why, this is the way, of course,” said the mother, as she started off to the right, “No, this is the way,” said she, as she made another attempt, to the left.
The little Crab smiled. “ When you learn to do it yourself, you can teach me,” he said, and he went back to his play.

4.The Wolf and The Crane
One day a Wolf, who was eating his dinner much too fast, swallowed a bone, which stuck in his throat and pained him very much. He tried to get it out, but could not.
Just then he saw a Crane passing by. “Dear fiend,” said he to the Crane, “ there is a bone sticking in my throat. You have a good long neck; can't you reach down and pull it out? I will pay you well for it.” “I'll try,” said the Crane. Then he put his head into the Wolf’s mouth, between his sharp teeth, and reaching down, pulled out bone. “There!” said the Wolf, “I am glad it is out; I must be more careful another time.” “I will go now, if you will pay me,” said the Crane.
“Pay you, indeed!” cried the Wolf. “Be thankful that I did not bite your head off when it was in my mouth. You ought to be content with that.”

5. Handel, The Musician
Long ago they're lived in Germany a little boy named George Frederick Handel.
He loved music and wanted to learn to play the piano, but his father wanted him to become a lawyer and would not let him take music lessons.
There was a little, old-fashioned piano up in the attic. At night, when everybody was asleep, the little boy used to creep up the stairs and play softly to himself.
When he was about seven years old, he went with his father to visit a wealthy Duke. The Duke lived in a beautiful palace with many large rooms. There was a wonderful organ in one of the rooms.
While his father and the Duke sat talking, little Handel slipped away. He sat down at the organ and began to play. His little hands moved over the keys and the room was filled with a sweetest music.
When he finished playing, he turned around and saw his father and the Duke looking at him. The Duke asked him where he had learned to play, and the boy told him about the piano in the attic.
Then the Duke persuaded Handle's father to let him study music, and he became a famous composer.
6.The Maid Of Orleans
About six hundred years ago there broke out great war between France and England.
The English army invaded France and won a great many battles, and the French army was driven back again and again. The French soldiers were so discouraged that they were almost ready to give up.
At that time there lived a poor peasant girl named Joan of Arc.
One day while she was in the field watching her sheep, she heard voices speaking to her. They told her that she must go to the French army and lead it against the English. She believed that the voices came from Heaven and she fell on her knees and prayed.
The next day she left her home and went to the Commander of the French army and told him the story of the voices. The Commander listened to her and believed her. He gave her a beautiful white horse and suit of white armor.
When the soldiers saw her and heard her story, they followed her gladly to relieve the city of Orleans, which had been besieged by the English for some months and was on the point of surrender. But the French army fought so bravely that the English were beaten back.
Since that time Joan was called the Maid of Orleans. Not long afterward Joan was taken prisoner by the English and burned at Rouen. She lived and died bravely, and all the world honors her.
7. Going Halves
Once an Italian nobleman was going to be married, and everybody at his castle was busy making preparations for the grand marriage-feast.
Everything was ready, but one thing. The weather had been so stormy that no fish was to be had for love or money.
On the morning of the feast, however, a poor fisherman came to the castle with a very large salmon on his back. It was so large that the man was sinking under his burden.
The nobleman was delighted with the fish, and said to the fisherman, “ Name your price, and it shall be given you.”
To the surprise of everybody, the fisherman said, “ My price, my lord, is one hundred floggings on my back.”
“ What a nonsense!” said the nobleman. “You are joking, aren't you? Come, tell us quickly. How much do you want for the fish? ” Still the fisherman made the same answer as before.
“ Well,” said the nobleman, “this is a strange joke. But, at all events, we must have the fish. So you shall have your price-(turning to his attendants)-only lay on the floggings lightly.”
When fifty floggings had been counted, the fisherman cried out, "Stop! I have a partner in the business, and he must have his share!"
" What!" exclaimed the nobleman. “Are there two such madmen in the world? Where is your partner ? Bring him here!”
“Oh!” said the fisherman, “my partner is no other than your own porter, my lord. He would not let me in, till I promised hem one half of what I should get for the fish, and so I must keep my promise.” “Aha!” said the nobleman, “bring the porter here right now.”
The porter was brought, and received his full share of the floggings--and you may be sure that they were not laid on lightly this time.
The porter was then discharged from the nobleman's service, and the fisherman was sent off with a handsome present.

8.Silence Is Gold
At an Indian fair there was a merchant who had an elephant for sale. He saw an American who was examining it with very great care-walking round and round it, putting his head on one side, and taking in everything.
The merchant went up to the American, and said, “Don't say anything about the elephant till I have sold it, and I will make you a present."
“All right,” said the American.
After the elephant was sold, the merchant gave him one-tenth of the price he had got for it, and said: “Now tell me how you found out that blemish on the left foreleg of the elephant. I thought it was quite concealed.”
“Blemish !”said the American. "I never found any blemish."
“Then, why did you examine the elephant so closely?” asked the merchant.
“Because I had never seen an elephant before, and wanted to see what it was like,” said the American.

9. A Strange Visitor
(1)
It was a railroad station in a far inland part of India. This railroad passed through a wild jungle, which swarmed with wild birds and beasts. People wondered why a track had been laid here at all.
But Harry Simpson was very glad to get the position of ticket clerk at that railroad station. Living in England.
One morning, when Harry arrived at the station, he found that his watch was too fast, and he had come too early half an hour too early. ”It is just like me,” he said to himself, “How ever, now that I am here, I will turn this half hour to account I will write to my mother. She is always glad to hear, from me.”
So he sat down at his desk, and began to write and soon he was too intent on his letter to notice anything else. Meanwhile there was a stealthy step outside the door, and a heavy breathing came nearer and nearer. But Harry did not hear.
However as something told him so he turned round and found the office door, which had been left open, pushed open, and---
In an instant he found himself face to face with none other than the largest tiger he had ever seen in his life!
(2)
Harry Simpson was a cool fellow, and never lost his head. For one moment was enough for Harry, for he had time to jump into a small closet and to shut the door after him. Harry would have liked to lock the door, but the key was on the outside. So he could only hold to the handle of the door with all his might.
He could hear the terrible invader snuffing on the other side of the door, and scraping the door with his huge claws. He was trying to force the door open.
While the poor clerk was trembling in the closet, the tiger was not comfortable himself. The door had shut of itself behind him, and the window was guarded by strong iron bars. Mr. Tiger found that he was caught in a trap.
Then the anger of the tiger changed into fear. He drooped his tail, and whined. He moved about the small room, and sought for some way of escape, but found none. At last he spied the ticket-window. He tapped the slide with his paw, and succeeded in pushing it open.
(3)
"Three minutes late! Why can't you open the office in proper time? Two first-class tickets to Ramgunga, and look sharp."
This sharp speech came from an old English merchant with a red face, and the answer to it was--
A roar which shook the whole building!
The merchant had put his angry face close to the ticket-window. He suddenly saw the tiger's face just in front of his own!
His Hindu servants were bringing in his baggage. When they saw the tiger, they threw down the baggage, and ran away, crying, "Tiger! tiger!"
"Hallo! what's the matter?" asked a man who had just arrived there. It was Major Jones, with his gun-case on his shoulder. When he heard another roar from the tiger, and saw the tiger's great head inside the ticket-window, he understood the whole story at once.
He opened his gun-case in a hurry, and got out his trusty rifle. He loaded his rifle in an instant, and soon shot the monster through the head. The mighty beast fell upon the floor, and died after a short struggle.
"Many thanks, Major, many thanks for your timely rescue," said Harry Simpson, coming out of the closet.

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Best time
Teacher:When is the best time to pick the fruit form the trees?
Student:When the watchman is not there.